Monday, November 9, 2009

Lord, Grant Me The Serenity...

I just feel so inadequate sometimes. Never really sure if I am handling Tallen the right way. The way that will mold him into a person that will have a good life as an adult.

I have always been a firm believer that I should never, ever, feel or act ashamed of Tallen. His little quirks are what make him so unique. His siblings are the same way when it comes to him. If he burst into song in the middle of the grocery store, we do as well. If he feels compelled to read the nutritional information on seven different brands of pickles, we wait until he is satisfied with what he has read and is ready to move on. This isn't always the most convenient way to handle his impulses, but I have always thought that it was best, as these truly seem to be things that he simply cannot control.

But then I wonder about where I should draw the line. I mean, what can he really control? When I explain to him a zillion times that if he removes the ball from his Track Ball mouse and loses it, he will just have to suffer and go without using his computer till he locates it, it never sinks in. He endures hours with no computer in complete misery, until we finally locate the ball and replace it. Yet, sure as the sun rises, a couple of day or so later, he'll take out that ball and lose it again. He does it so often that I have to wonder if maybe he just does not have the capacity to understand consequences. Which leads me to ponder that if he has no concept of consequences, what purpose would punishing him for things ever serve? I would never want to send him to his room and give him time out for something that he truly has no control over. But then, I don't want him to be twenty years old, thinking it is OK to remove all the keys from a laptop because one of them "looked crooked". Things like that could lead to huge problems in a work environment. The sad fact is that someday, he may be alone in this world, without the rest of us around to fix things for him and to explain his actions to others.

I also consider that a lot of this may just be due to the fact that he is still very young. Sometimes, my brain tricks me into forgetting just how young he really is. That isn't so hard to do with a boy that is able to have detailed discussions with you about the ingredients of rocket fuel and can tell you anything you ever wanted to know about Space and Africa and a zillion other things. It's easy to forget that he's just a little kid. Maybe some of the mischief he gets into would be typical of any 6 year old boy. My only other son is now 20, so I have a hard time recalling how he acted when he was this age.

I only know that I am just a regular mom that is using trial and error to help her child. I pray for as few errors as possible. I am sure of the fact that many of the things I have done, just by using my intuition, has helped Tallen immensely. But some days I hit a wall and am not sure of which direction to turn. I guess I just need to have a little faith in myself...

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