Obsessions

 I say "obsession" for lack of a better term. Obsession, preoccupation, fixation, what ever the term, Tallen has went through different cycles of this since he was born. He will fixate on one or two things and that is all he wants to talk about or look at and it all he wants to hear about.

 Before a year old, it was letter, numbers, shapes, and colors. He didn't necessarily show a reaction when seeing or hearing these things, other than the fact that they calmed him and he would stop whatever he was doing and focus his attention. Next, it was stars and planets. Then memorizing web addresses and phone numbers from T.V.. Later it was cars, then clay, then the alphabet in different languages, then cooking. Now it is dominoes.

 I heard many suggestions from people who were supposed to know more than me, that I shouldn't encourage his obsessions but rather, I should try to move his focus onto something else. I asked myself. "Why?". I tried to put myself in his position. I thought back to the times that I couldn't sleep because I had a poem in my head, or a song, or a beadwork design, and how I couldn't sleep until I got out of bed and put it down on paper. Remembering that with Asperger's and similar disorders, things are magnified, I reasoned that it would just take him longer to to get something "out of his head" than it would the average person. I could fight it ot I could feed it. I have always chosen the latter. Even early on , when I knew something was wrong but had no idea what it was.

  As a baby, I surrounded him with all the letters and numbers and shapes and colors that his little heart desired. He never tired of looking at them. I bought him the entire alphabet and number set, with extra animal shapes, in those foam floor tiles.He knew where each and every one of the pieces were and knew instantly if one was missing, frantically searching till he found it. Of course, he never left them on the floor where they belonged, he carried them around like teddy bears. So what if people gave us funny looks because out toddler was toting a giant, green, foam letter "Q" (his favorite) everywhere! So what if they stared because he would squeal and laugh and clap when I rolled him past the check out lines at Wal-mart, over and over, letting him count, because it absolutely thrilled him to see the numbers at each register. Guess what? Eventually, he left the letters behind and moved on to something else. I assume the letter thing was part of learning to read.Once he could read ( taught himself), he calmed down a lot with the letter obsession.

  With each new obsession, I have put out the word to family and friends and they are happy to keep their eye out for items to help me"feed" it. I can't explain why but I am sure that, for whatever reason, his brain needs these things. And only after he quenches his thirst for this or that, is he able to carry on with other things. I will soon be passing down his letters to his sister. In a few days, I will be packing away over 200 ( probably closer to 300) Matchbox cars. I didn't buy all of those LOL A friend who had heard about his car obsession dug out an huge bin full of them from storage and gave them to Tallen. Those, plus others that were given to him one at a time, made for a huge collection. 

   If I can't afford to buy what he is craving, I look it up online and let him read and see lots of pictures of whatever it is. Or, I do my best to make it at home. Cooking was an easy one. Clay was easy as well. He really enjoyed making the homemade clay and adding his own colors. I also found him lots of videos online of how claymation was done etc... It can get hectic at times but I have an easier time dealing with it if I just remind myself that this is a need for him and not just a want. These days, it is dominoes. He loves lining them up in different formations and then letting them fall. We have been buying him a few here and there , as we can afford it and other folks are giving him some as well. He loves watching youtube videos of dominoes! Just like all the others, I know this fixation will pass with time. Till then, I'll be right here, on the floor with him, clapping and cheering, each time he makes a new design and knocks it down. His smile is so worth it!

  

Another Great Educational Freebie!

Sebran's ABC

This is a freeware. I downloaded this ages ago and have to say that I would be willing to pay for it, it's that awesome! But, to find it for free was a real blessing. Tallen loves this program. You can even create your own word list for the Hangman game!

From the site:

It's never too early for your child to become familiar with letters and numbers. Sebran's ABC's colorful pictures, pleasant music, and gentle games teach letters, numbers, simple math, and rudiments of reading.

The program teaches using either Afrikaans, Bahasa Indonesian, Breton, Catalan, Croatian, Czech, Danish, Dutch, English, Estonian, Finnish, French, German, Greek, Hungarian, Icelandic, Italian, Lithuanian, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Romanian, Samoan, Slovak, Slovenian, Spanish, Turkish, Swahili or Swedish (in Swedish, the droll zebra gracing the main screen is called "sebran"). 

The six simpler exercises display four possible answers. Choose the right one and it becomes a smile; an error gets a frown and a chance to try again. The How Many? counting game introduces the numbers from 1 to 9. These are used in the Add, Subtract, and Multiply matching games, which each function at two levels of difficulty. In Pick A Picture, one of four pictures matches a word; First Letter offers four possible letters completing a word. Your child can employ the skills gained in these exercises to play Memory, Word Memory, or Hangman. Finally, the ABC Rain, Letter Rain, and 1+2 Rain games help train little fingers in using the keyboard. 

Sebran's ABC is freeware.

Have a Bored Child On Your Hands?

This was one of Tallen's favorite places to go when he first started using the computer.


Go HERE

This is an excellent interactive site for children and preschoolers! No reading needed to navigate. If your child can work a mouse, they'll easily have a ball here.

There Are Some Things You Just Can't Explain

  Tallen has just pulled another all-nighter. At around 6:30 a.m., I was changing the baby's diaper and Tallen walked in the room. He said to me, " Mama, that truck slammed and the little boy came flying off. He went through the air ( he waved a hand through the air as he said this ), and hit a wire fence. He is hurt bad. That boy is 6 years old. His name is Jos-Hoo-Ah." He had trouble saying the name. I realized he was trying to pronounce "Joshua". It was as if he was seeing the name written in front of him and was sounding it out. I asked, "How do you know this?", but he said nothing more and went back to playing with his dominoes. So I am left confused and a little creeped out. This has happened before...

  The one incident that is forever burned in all of our minds, happened when Tallen was 3 years old, after he had finally started talking to all of us. Hubs, myself, and all of the other kids, including Renni, were sitting in the living room. Tallen came out of his room carrying a Lego structure he had just made. It was made up of 2 tall, nearly identical structures, both with holes near the top, and sitting side-by-side on the same base. He handed it to me and said, "I made towers." I handed the piece to my husband and said, " Look, Daddy, Tallen made buildings!" My husband said, " Goodness, look at these skyscrapers. You did a good job!" Tallen seemed annoyed and took the piece from his father's hand, put it back in my hand, and said, "I did not make skyscrapers! They're towers! What he said next left left all of us silent and covered in goosebumps... "There is a fire. I can't move.(He placed his hand on his his forehead) My head hurts. I am covered in red applesauce. Help me!" I don't even have to tell you what horrible day this made all of us flash back to...

  He used to talk to an unseen man named George. Often he would laugh hysterically at something/someone  we could not see. Almost like someone were there in front of him making silly faces or something. He hasn't mentioned George for a long time now.

  Another strange thing he does... Renni ( his adult sister) owns 2 cars. A white one and a green one. More times than I can even count, he has pulled a chair to the picture window in the dining room and stood in it, staring up the driveway. When I ask what he is doing, he will either say, "Renni is coming in the white car." or "Renni is coming in the green car." I used to go over and look out the window myself and tell him that no, Renni was not coming down the driveway or that his sister was off doing this or that and wouldn't be visiting that day. But it never failed, if he said she was coming in a certain car, about 10 minutes later, Renni would show up, in the car he had predicted. These days, if he tells me someone is on their way, I listen...

  If you have a special needs child and have experienced similar events, I would love to hear from you. Even if you don't have a child with special needs, I would love to hear your take on this.

 

KIDZ Kick-Off Party and Contest!

An amazing site, dedicated to special needs children and their families.

Please take time to check it out and you can also win some great prizes during the Kick-Off party! Just follow the link above and read the instructions for entering.

Thanks!

The Name Game

   These days, Tallen calls all of us by our correct names. He does call me "Mama" and his father "Daddy", but you get my drift. Almost everyday, we stop to reflect on how different he was before his sister was born ( she is 20 months old ) and the amazing improvements he has made since then. Just 20 short months ago, he was still in his own little world for the most part. I think the first whole sentence he had spoken directly  to any of us was on the day we returned from the hospital with his new sister. He didn't run to greet us, or even seem excited at our return. We had the bassinet in the living room and when we placed Ross inside, Tallen eased over and peeked inside. We nearly jumped out of our skin when he sprang into the air and shouted, " IT'S A BABY!" and he began to dance around the room. Then, just as suddenly, he fell silent, ran into our room and slammed the door. Ever so often, he would crack the door a bit, peek into the living room, spot the new baby, and slam the door closed again. I have always credited Ross in a way for the improvements in Tallen, it's like she changed the way he looked at things. Or maybe by seeing her be affectionate, he has learned to be affectionate, I'm not sure I can even put it in words, but she definitely made a difference...

   Not long after her arrival, he began to give each of us "titles".  He didn't call his father anything and usually never even acknowledged that he was in the room. He called me "Mama" but he also called his oldest sister, Renni, " Mama". However, after we had a cookout where he really mingled more with some of my relatives, he started to call my mother and Renni "Granny" and my older sister "Mama". He called his other 2 older sisters "Boy". He just called Ross "that baby". We started getting titles around the time we started insisting that he ask for what he wanted. He referred to himself in 3rd person. "Boy, give Tallen a cookie" or "Mama, take him potty." 

  I finally realized that he was  "naming" people according to their size and likeness to each other. For example, Renni and I were a lot alike, so he called us both "Mama" but once he started noticing other people and I showed him my mother and told him she was "Granny", he saw that she and Renni were about the same height ( very short lol ), so he changed Renni's name to Granny. It was so funny, the looks we got at the store, when he would shout for Granny and Renni would come to him. My sister and I look a lot alike, so much that people confuse us for each other, so he called her "Mama". I am not sure why he called the other 2 girls "Boy, but I do know they both got the same label because they were so close in size at the time. We were so happy that he was addressing us at all, we tolerated the strange names for a while...

  Soon we set to work to teach him who everyone was. For starters, we began calling each other by our correct names in front of him, every chance we got... "Cina, please pass the salt." or Selly, how was your day at school?" I had never given it much thought before then, but at home, around family that they see each and every day, people tend to just rely on the direction of their glance to let others know who they are addressing. But Tallen didn't pick up on little things like that, he avoided eye contact, so of course he wouldn't get a clue just by our looking at someone...

  We also practiced a lot of, "Hello, my name's XXXX, what is your name?" with Tallen. Sometimes, we would intentionally give him the wrong name for ourselves, just so he could "correct" us. Just to help imprint it into his brain. Then we worked on getting him away from speaking in third person. We used a lot of time in the mirror for this. Teaching him that the boy in the mirror was him. Such as handing him a book while he stood in front of the mirror. " I'm giving you the book Tallen" then tapping the mirror, " see you have the book. That boy is you!" I'm not sure why it worked or how it worked, but feeling the book in his hand, even though it appeared that the boy in the mirror was receiving it, helped him make the connection that he was "himself". We also began to correct him gently when he spoke of himself in 3rd person. "Don't you mean to say, "I want a cookie?" etc...

  Today, he calls us all and anyone who introduces themselves to him, by the correct name. He also now has a close relationship with his father and calls him "Daddy. He no longer speaks of himself in 3rd person. He does get a bit confused by "he" and "she" and sometimes mixes those up, but otherwise, those issues are history. It took a lot of hard work! But it did work and I am so thankful.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Need A Better Way...

    Tallen's progress is coming along so fast, I can barely keep up with it! To see it all on paper, you would never believe that the child that I present to you today, is the same child who was present 2 years, 1 year, or even 6 months ago. 

     Tallen was a screamer.  Some days were worse than others, but every day was bad. If you have never lived with a child who's main form of communication is  screaming, you cannot even begin to know what a mental assault this is on everyone else in the home. I really reached a point of thinking it might well send me to the mad house. I prayed, "God, I cannot take this anymore. Please, please, please, help me get through to him. Help him talk to me!" Sometimes, God answers prayers, not by fixing the problem, but by giving us the ideas, tools, and a little more patience, so we can fix them ourselves. 

    I realized that we just had to stop catering to him. Living with so many females and having special needs, had basically guaranteed his being coddled and babied. I realized one day that we weren't requiring him to ask us for anything. He would start his ear piercing screaming and we would all make a mad dash, trying to locate what he wanted. I explained to the girls that we must stop this and gave them suggestions on how to handle the screaming situations. For the next few weeks, (yes I said "WEEKS"!") whenever Tallen started screaming for something he wanted, we continued with the old routine of trying different things, until we found what he wanted. But, as we gave him the object, His blue truck for example, we would say, " Tallen, next time, just say,' I want my blue truck.' " We also made a point of letting him hear us asking each other for things in the proper way.

   Eventually, we stopped responding to his screaming at us and only got him the object he wanted, when he used words to tell us. When we saw him "winding up" for a fit, we'd quickly ask, "What do you need, Tallen?"At first his answers were one word. If, for example, he asked for "milk". We would smile and reply, "Oh, You would like some milk! Thanks for using your words, Tallen!" I know this may seem sing-songy and dramatic. But it was really important for us to mirror back to him  what he was asking for and to praise him for asking in a way that we could understand.   At first, if it was safe for him to have and was on the premises, we gave him pretty much whatever he asked for. lol We were just so happy to finally have the communication with him. It was a long road and a lot of hard, repetitive work, but the screaming is a faint memory. Like any 5 year old, he has a tantrum on occasion. But, after what we have endured, a few screaming, stomping, fits every now and again are nothing...

   He wasn't screaming to be mean. He really just needed to be taught how to communicate. I liken it to being dropped into a foreign country, where you don't speak the language, and can't make anyone understand what you're saying. Everyone must seem so distant and uncaring. But, once you learn the language, once you can make a connection, everyone one seems warmer a friendlier to you. I really think that must be how Tallen felt. He didn't enjoy these episodes anymore than the rest of us. But, even with his advanced vocabulary, which one would think should make communication easy for him, something in his brain just would not cooperate and let him talk to his own family. I didn't, still do not, and may never know just what that mysterious "something" is. The best I can do is work around it. Try to outsmart it and do my best to pull my son from it's grip.